Dear PeppyMinter Cookie,
Congratulations! You have successfully passed the physical, psychological, and intelligence test battery for The Punishment of Rotten and Hateful Minors (“Punishment”).
This year’s submission pool was full of impressive applicants—many seeking an outlet to express their COVID-19 frustrations with humanity. The Council of Minor Punishment (“Council”) eagerly anticipates watching the live-streamed fulfilment of your Punishment Contract.
- Approved Punishment hours are 5 December, 23:00 – 6 December, 04:30 only.
- You may elect to participate either as a solo Punisher or as a member of a team with up to five other Approved Punishers.
- Only Council-approved incendiary devices, holiday treats, and toymaking tools may be used in the liquidation/maiming of Designated Minors.
Awards will be based upon:
- Originality/complexity of method of liquidation/maiming;
- Speed of completion;
- Minimization of collateral damage; and/or
- Highest measured adrenaline level(s) of each Punished Minor.
Disclaimer: Participants who do not adhere to Punishment Rules shall be disqualified from the competition, stripped of their elf powers, and extradited to the appropriate jurisdictional human law enforcement agency for processing, as negotiated with all earthly federal and local municipalities in The Balance of Good and Evil Supernatural Accord of 1890.
As a friendly reminder, please minimize contact with non-Punishment humans and with The Clean-Up Crew. The faster The Clean-Up Crew can recover bodies and remedy scenes, the sooner we celebrate! Remember to sign up for the Potluck—as usual, we still in need of drinks and side dishes.
Lindsey Neely is a previously unpublished flash fiction author living in the Washington, DC, metropolitan area. She is a technical writer-editor who has worked on more than 1,000 documents for executive and legislative agencies within the U.S. Federal Government. She misses going to concerts, museums, and Nationals games.